kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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