U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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