This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
You're breaking my sexual little heart
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
