ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
