The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
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