she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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