the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I think my moral compass just broke
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
