so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
