I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
organizing the empties. That sober.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
