I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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