Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
