I'm gonna have a badass scar
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
