I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
