omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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