I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
two words: eviction party
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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