Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
