very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
