I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
just found out that she named her cat after me.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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