my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
