and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
