I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Why is there bacon in the couch?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
