if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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