so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
