new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
