singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
