i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Randomize
