I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
