So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
