Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
