bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
