Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize