I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize