all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
