'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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