someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
