The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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