Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
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