my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize