I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
