my room smells like sperm. sweet.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
