i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
