if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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