a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
