i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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