The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
