R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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