i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Randomize
