I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
