I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
