so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
