1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
i already hear my dad disowning me
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
ok first of all what the fuck
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
