Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
