i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
