I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
