i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
you have to choose: penises or morals?
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
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