Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
