So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
