i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
