3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
