You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
