So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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