Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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