After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
