Say something about gay babies.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize