I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
