He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
