so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
