I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Randomize
