He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
