Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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