I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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