dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Randomize
