I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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