proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize