Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
