Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
