dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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