the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
My day in three words: secret purse cake
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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