i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
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