Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
