I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
