just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
